To Get A Dog Or Not: That Is The Question

 I don't ever remember being without a dog in my life until Pepper passed away in October.  From the time I was a child, we always had a dog, sometimes two.  We even had a female beagle when I was young that we bred several times, she had several litters, and we often kept a puppy.  Dogs have added so much to my life, yet here I am, without a dog.  

Since Pepper died I have felt a freedom I have not had for many years.  When Ron was sick, I had a schedule that involved being home a lot.  In the last years of Pepper's life, he too, needed attention.  Now, I no longer have that responsibility, and it feels good.  The part I miss most about not having a dog is coming home in the afternoon and having no one greet me at the door.  I also miss morning kisses from my four legged friend.  Oh, and yes, I miss my afternoons at the dog park with friends from Ocean Hills.

On the other side of the argument is the freedom to not have to return after a period of hours to walk the dog.  If I'm out somewhere, and want to go for dinner, I can do so without hesitation.  I can plan trips without having to to find a dog sitter.  (that can be harder than you might think).

I have to admit I have searched online for rescue dogs more than once, but that's as far as I've gotten.  Every time I want to go look, another trip comes up, another bridge tournament that will take me away from home for several days come up, and if I do get a dog, I want to be here to bond with him, to train him, and spend lots of time with him for the first few months.

I know there is a dog in my future, but it might not be right away.  I am enjoying travel and long days without having to worry about coming home. They'll be another wonderful dog for me when the time is right.

Benchmark Birthdays. How Do They Affect You?

 Benchmark, or milestone birthdays really affect me, and I guess I'm not alone.  I started noticing this at age 60.  My working career was over, I had moved to a new city, and most of all, I noticed differences in my health.  I couldn't walk as far, jump as high, etc.  It turns out that benchmark birthdays feel different because they act as a psychological milestone that triggers deep self-reflection , forcing a comparison between current achievements and life expectations.  Most of us make a mental accounting causing us to evaluate our life trajectory, mortality and passage of time.

Milestone birthdays act as checkpoints, causing people to look back at where they have been and where they want to go.  There is often intense pressure to have achieved specific milestones by certain ages, causing stress if reality doesn't match expectations.  

These birthday also remind us of the passage of time, which can trigger anxiety about aging and death.  

The 9-ender phenomenon indicates that people aged 29, 39, 49, etc. are more likely to experience a crisis or re-evaluate their life.

Why do so many people get the "birthday blues?" There are too many reasons to enumerate here, but suffice it to say that birthdays are often a time of reflection.

Two recent examples come to mind.  One woman was very sick with cancer on her 80th birthday.  It was a year and a half before treatment was ended and she was declared cancer free.  On her 81st birthday she announced that she was  healthy and cancer was in her past, and that the future would be filled with good health and great adventures.

Another woman turned 80 and used that milestone to evaluate what she had accomplished over the past 10 years, and what she wanted to achieve in the next decade.  She did some soul searching and decided to work less, enjoy more, and concentrate on good health and fitness. 

Although I just turned 81, not a benchmark birthday, I used the opportunity to evaluate my life.  What do I love about my life, what don't I like, and what do I want to do better?  As we age, we don't have to look at the calendar to know life is short.  As seniors, all birthdays remind us of the fact that life is short, especially milestone birthdays.

Turning Lemons into Lemonade

 I love road trips.  My mom loves them too, so as big long trips are becoming more difficult, we head for the road.  Our partner in crime over the past few years has been my friend Regina.  The three of us have had the best time visiting the Ozarks, Ohio, and Atlanta and Ashville (Regina couldn't make that trip).  So this year, with all the rain, I decided there would be a super bloom in the desert, and we should go to Borrego Springs.  I have already told you how that turned out.  No flowers, they were all burnt to a crisp, but beautiful landscape, sunrises and sunsets, and beautiful dark skies made it all worthwhile. 

The first road trip we took together was to the The Ozarks.  We had seen a short piece on TV about Eureka Springs (Arkansas) and decided to plan a road trip around it.  We visited Branson, Bentonville, Eureka Springs and Little Rock.  We didn't know much about Bentonville at the time, but have since come to love the city, but all the major hotels were booked, so all I could get was Best Western that sounded ok.  When we arrived, we found out that the reason nothing was available was because Garth Brooks was performing in Fayetteville, just a few miles away.  Well, I've stayed in a lot of hotels in my life, but this had to be the worst.  We found out it was a former drug hangout.  Our room, which barely locked, faced a dumpster filled with garbage and rats.  The blankets on the bed had cigarette burns in them.  The sink in the bathroom was falling off the wall.  Need I go on?  It was either sleep in our clothes on top of the bed or sleep in the car.  We slept on top of the bed, but were out of there at 7am!  But, we made lemons out of lemonade.  We went over to the Museum 21 Hotel (gorgeous), begged them to find us a room (they couldn't), but toured the hotel and its fabulous art.  Then we ate at  a fine dining restaurant in the hotel called The Beehive.  We spent the day in Bentonville visiting Crystal Bridges, viewing the Frank Lloyd Wright house, and taking a tour of the city of Bentonville.  We definitely turned lemons into lemonade.  As bad as the hotel was, everything else we did made up for it. 

Talk about making lemonade out of lemons.  Our trip to see wildflowers turned out to be a bust, but what we got instead was equally beautiful.  I can't wait for our next road trip and the adventures we will have.

When Is It Time To Take Care Of Yoursel?

 For most of my adult life, I was a pleaser.  When I was a young child, I wanted to please my parents.  As I got older, I wanted to please my friends, boss and co workers, husband and children.  At around the age of 70, I felt a shift in priorities.  I no longer felt it was my responsibility to make people feel good, go to parties that I didn't want to be at just because people wanted me there.  In other words, it was time to give more attention to myself.  When constantly pleasing other is costing you your own peace or joy, it's time to make a change.

As you age, you realize that your time is more valuable, it's the one thing you can't get back.  "Do I actually want to do this?  Will this add something meaningful to my life?"  If these answers are consistently "No,"  it's time to start declining.

Relationships that matter survive honesty.  If you no longer want to go to big cocktail parties and are invited to one by a good friend, politely say no.  You don't owe long explanations.

Many people in their senior years like smaller gatherings, meaningful conversations, few obligation, and more time for the things they truly enjoy.  Approaching life this way usually leads to greater happiness, not less.  Saying no to something that drains you is really saying yes to how you want to spend your life.

It's not that you no longer want to be a pleaser or be kind.  It's just that you make choices as to what you do, and realize that you can be kind to others, please others, and please yourself.  Think about what you do for others every day.  Are you only doing them to make another person happy, or are you getting something out of it?  If it's just to please someone else, rethink your priorities so that you can still be kind, but not at the expense of your own happiness.