For most of my adult life, I was a pleaser. When I was a young child, I wanted to please my parents. As I got older, I wanted to please my friends, boss and co workers, husband and children. At around the age of 70, I felt a shift in priorities. I no longer felt it was my responsibility to make people feel good, go to parties that I didn't want to be at just because people wanted me there. In other words, it was time to give more attention to myself. When constantly pleasing other is costing you your own peace or joy, it's time to make a change.
As you age, you realize that your time is more valuable, it's the one thing you can't get back. "Do I actually want to do this? Will this add something meaningful to my life?" If these answers are consistently "No," it's time to start declining.
Relationships that matter survive honesty. If you no longer want to go to big cocktail parties and are invited to one by a good friend, politely say no. You don't owe long explanations.
Many people in their senior years like smaller gatherings, meaningful conversations, few obligation, and more time for the things they truly enjoy. Approaching life this way usually leads to greater happiness, not less. Saying no to something that drains you is really saying yes to how you want to spend your life.
It's not that you no longer want to be a pleaser or be kind. It's just that you make choices as to what you do, and realize that you can be kind to others, please others, and please yourself. Think about what you do for others every day. Are you only doing them to make another person happy, or are you getting something out of it? If it's just to please someone else, rethink your priorities so that you can still be kind, but not at the expense of your own happiness.
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